It was almost two years ago when I published my Law & Order Dream Interpretation Guide and well over two years since I published the test to see it you are addicted to Law & Order. Now, with Law & Order and Law & Order SVU returning this week after the Olympics hiatus, and with Law & Order Criminal Intent starting up at the end of this month, it’s time to test your Law & Order IQ. Take this tongue-in-cheek test and get your score below. No cheating!
Law & Order IQ Test
1. The introduction to each episode is recited by:
A. Dick Wolf
B. Steve Zirnkilton
C. Sam Waterston
D. Rene Balcer
2. Law & Order is a
D. Big moneymaker for Dick Wolf
3. Law & Order Criminal Intent changed its theme when it moved to USA Network to the following:
A. Dragnet’s Theme
B. The Theme From “Lost”
C. The Theme from Law & Order Trial By Jury
4. Law & Order is to CSI as Law & Order SVU is to:
A. CSI NY
B. CSI Miami
5. The sound heard when a scene changes in any of the Law & Order shows is called :
A. The doink -doink
E. A cash register ringing and gold coins dropping into Dick Wolf’s pockets.
6. Law & Order guest stars who are used in multiple episodes in different roles, or who appear across the “brandchise” in different roles are called:
A. Repeat offenders
B. Actors who are out of work and can’t get a job elsewhere
7. Which line of dialog got huge publicity after the episode aired?
A. “Lick my boot…LICK IT!” (Olivia Benson, SVU)
B. “Is this because I’m a lesbian?” (Serena Southerlyn, Law & Order)
C. "Quick! Lock the door! Someone might walk in with a case we can win." (Adam Schiff, Law & Order”
D. “Give me a break! You could get a ham sandwich indicted! (Mike Logan) Response from Jack Mc Coy: "That might be easier. There's meat on a ham sandwich”
8. Jack McCoy can indict:
A. A ham sandwich (with or without meat)
B. Anyone, because he’s the DA, he can do it.
C. All of the above
9. Which scene brings tears to your eyes?
A. When Claire gets hit by a car in “Aftershock”
B. When Adam Schiff “pulls the plug” on his wife and she dies in “Terminal”
C. Any episode where Detective Stabler is shirtless
D. All of the above
10. Which show has very rabid fans?
A. Law & Order
B. Law & Order SVU
C. Law & Order Criminal Intent
D. This is a trick question as they all have rabid fans.
11. “Ripped from the headlines” is a phrase often used to describe an episode of Law & Order, SVU, or Criminal Intent. What does it mean?
A. The writers can’t think of any new or creative storylines on their own.
B. The story takes something from a real-life news headlines and inserts it into the episode, often expanding on the story or changing the outcome.
C. It is a way to capitalize on a real life story in order to sucker viewers in to watch the show.
D. All of the above
12. Of the choices below, who is/was the best detective in the "brandchise"?
A. Lennie Briscoe
B. Mike Logan
C. Max Greevey
D. Olivia Benson
E. Elliot Stabler
F. Bobby Goren
13. Assume you have access to every episode of “Law & Order”, “Law & Order Criminal Intent,” “Law & Order SVU,” “Law & Order Trial by Jury,” and Conviction”. You begin watching the episodes – with the usual commercials as it would have aired on television - in order of original air date while on a train leaving New York City headed in a straight line for Los Angeles traveling at 100 miles per hour with no stops and you forgot to turn off the water in your bathtub before you left your house and it is filling at the rate of ½ gallon per minute and draining at a rate of 1/3 gallon per minute. What episode will you likely be watching at the time you arrive in Los Angeles and when will you remember that you left your bathtub water running?
A. “Aria” (from season 2 of Law & Order), and I won’t remember anything about my water being left on because I am too distracted watching Law & Order.
B. Do I get any bathroom breaks on the train?
C. I think that Chris Meloni is on my train and I am going to try to get an autograph and a picture, forget watching the episodes!
D. My brain just imploded.
14. The brains behind Law & Order is:
A. Dick Wolf
B. Rene Balcer
C. Neal Baer
Answers as as follows, give yourself one point per correct answer unless otherwise noted
1. B. Steve Zirnkilton
2. D. Dick Wolf calls it a brand, everyone else calls it a franchise, and you could call the combination of the two a “brandchise”. Only one thing is certain, whatever you call it, it is a huge moneymaker for Dick Wolf.
3. C. The theme from “Trial By Jury”
4. B. SVU is becoming as campy as CSI-Miami; SVU is just missing the orange sky and the cartoon-like sets. Thankfully, SVU has Chris Meloni and Mariska Hargitay and not David Caruso.
5. Acceptable answers are A, B, or D, although Dann Florek once referred to it as the doink-doink so that may be the best answer. You can only get one point here, even if you chose A,B, AND D.
6. A. Repeat offenders
7. B. “Is this because I’m a lesbian?” The “lick my book – lick it!” line never actually made it into the episode but was heavily teased before the episode aired.
8. C. He can indict anyone OR anything he wants, and that includes ham sandwiches.
9. D. All of the above. If those scenes don’t bring a tear to your eye, then you surely must be dead, especially with those shirtless Stabler scenes, and this holds true even if you’re a guy.
10. D. (although SVU and Criminal Intent may have slight edge, due to dedication to specific actors on the show)
11. D. It does mean to take real life headlines and insert them into the story, but many out there see its use as lazy writing or just a way to draw in viewers.
12. There is only one answer to this question, and that is A. There isn’t anyone out there who can match Lennie Briscoe.
13. The correct answer would likely be A, so give yourself 2 points if you answered A. (Straight line distance from NY to LA is almost 2500 miles, which would mean you are likely already done with episode 24 and are into episode 25, which is episode 3 of the second season of Law & Order. But I admit even I am making an educated guess here.) C would also be an acceptable answer but is worth only one point.
14. For those in the know, the correct answer is B, Rene Balcer. If you answered D, deduct 5 points because everyone knows NBC has no brains.
How did you score and what is your overall Law & Order IQ (LOIQ)?
14-15 points – You are a Law & Order genius and your LOIQ tops out at 200.
11-13 points – You are very smart when it comes to all the shows in the “brandchise” but you need to devote more time to the minutia and spending more time on Law & Order, SVU, and Criminal Intent forums and message boards and watching marathons on TNT and USA Network. Your LOIQ is 150
8-10 points – You have average Law & Order intelligence, which may be better suited for a show like CSI Miami which requires little brain power. Your LOIQ is 100.
0-7 points: You have been watching too much CSI Miami. Your LOIQ is 50
A negative score - You are either dead or live under a rock. Your LOIQ is 0.
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